French Fries are NOT chips! They are skinny, tasteless imposters.
Chunky chips are NOT chips. They are overpriced WEDGES of potato!
Triple cooked chips are technically chips but again are overpriced. They are served in a pretentious little basket and you never get more than seven of them.
Never, I repeated never, dunk your chip into a tiny pot of sauce or ketchup! The sauce has to be poured OVER the chips. I cannot stress this enough.
The only acceptable sauce you can pour over your chips is ketchup or brown sauce (Daddies or HP. Bramwells Brown Sauce is also acceptable if you shop at Aldi). Mayonnaise is unacceptable but tartar sauce is fine if you're having them with fish fingers.
Chips must be fried in a pan. If they are baked in the oven, return them immediately to the chef & report the establishment to the appropriate Food Standards Authority!
An onion & mushroom gravy is the perfect companion for your chips. Again this must be POURED over the chips.
If you are feeling particularly exotic then replace the gravy with curry sauce (chip shop curry, you know the one with sultanas).
There is no substitute for chippy chips!
If buying chippy chips & gravy, ALWAYS ask for the 2-fronged wooden fork & NOT the 3-pronged blue plastic one. Its TRADITIONAL!
ALWAYS add the salt & vinegar to the chips when then are steaming hot so that they make sting!
For the ULTIMATE chip experience, this is not for amateurs...YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED...peel, slice & cook the potatoes in beef dripping in a proper CHIP PAN (not a deep fat fryer). Once golden brown, place randomly on to a single slice of buttered white bread. Slap on a dollop of brown sauce, fold over, and enjoy!