Well it's not going to be a terribly up-tempo affair this evening is it? Some stand out points from what I've observed so far.
Israel: Anyone wearing pink sneakers needs a slap. The song actually sounds like a parody that you'd normally see on the Omid Djalili show. Oh & tuck your shirt in!
Lithuania: Wouldn't be out of place on a country music radio station in the USA. But it sounds suspiciously like an ad for that magic yogurt that makes you pooh properly.
Norway: Smile FFS! Appears to be all about poisoning someone at a dinner party.
Sweden: Kind of liked this. It starts with a cowboy like vibe before descending into an NCIS-esque theme tune & whoever shot the video couldn't find the focus knob on the camera
Belgium: Weird one this. Quite tribal & the guy soils it all with that immortal line "rap pop pop". Could be an American Horror Story theme & the artist is pretty scary to look at too.
Greece: One of the many Celine Dion-alikes but without the breathing technique & although she appears to sing the line "I'm farting tears" I am sure she's gunning for a Bond theme here.
Poland: After last year's soft pron entry, Poland have entered an advert for life insurance. Or some sort of insurance anyway. & a good job too as it looks like someone's nicked all her furniture except for the piano.
Spain: Tiggers!!! This song (by David De Gea's missus) is like Shakira meets the Legend Of The Seeker.
Georgia: Look at those dogs!! This lady is a bit goff looking. Thumping drums, warrior warpaint, weapons. Let's go & fight everyone!
Italy: You've heard of the Three Tenors? Well this is the three fivers. Contemporary opera style nonsense with the worst pottery ever & for some reason.... Spiderman.
Cyprus: A fairly miserable tune delivered by a hipster. Possibly a Gary Barlow cast off?
Azerbaijan: Robbie Williams sings Gary Barlow. Nuff said.
Latvia: Another possible contender for top spot here. Nice percussion (albeit all electronic) taking atmospheric verses into triumphant choruses. Prolly a bit too "out there" for the Eurovision voters though. Interested to see the setting the petrol on fire live on stage.
Montenegro: Wistful folk ditty. Move along. Nothing to see here...
Estonia: Appears to be promoting one night stands & possibly self harm. Lyrically deep & generally awful.
Slovenia: This girl seems to have headphones glued to her ears. A departure from the raft of Celine-alikes this year though, but with a downside. A Britney/Adele hybrid. I did like the air-violining though.
Armenia: They like their badges don't they? How many people in the act? There's loads in the video. This is like goth metal but minus the goth & minus the metal, so more Celtic cardboard.
Germany: Hooray! Someone who smiles A not completely unpleasant, albeit Amy Winehouse/ Adele- ish in style. Those aren't earrings. They are solar panels!
Hungary: Their entry has the same name as the dog downstairs from me. Sounds like a border-line charity record protesting war. But at least it's not about child abuse like last year's.
Russia: State sponsored propaganda. Another Dion-alike says she'll keep believing. Good luck with that one love Possibly the whitest video in the history of videos.
Albania: They really don't want to win do they? They've entered what looks like a short musical tribute to the emergency services & the video end up with everyone crying. Cheer up FFS!
Austria: A song rejected by Elton John played by a hippie in a floppy hat. Very 70's
Serbia: Cashing in on the "I'm different, so what?" theme. Does this lady have feet?
Romania: These guys are just trying too hard. At first I thought this was about the postal service, but it is, in fact, a (not very thinly) veiled political statement about workers heading west to find jobs & leaving their kids behind. All it needs is a hat with a piece of card that reads "spare some change?"
France: Can a Eurovision entry get more miserable than this? Deserted coastlines & war ruins are the backdrop for something more appropriate at a funeral rather than a celebration of European song writing. Oh. & there's a lamp.
Australia: Yes. The "special guest" this year is a country that almost the furthest away from Europe. A soulful number featuring Blues Brothers influenced horns from a bloke with an impressively squeaky voice. Saving grace is that all baseball hats in the video are being worn the right way round.
UK: Winner. Obvs! Although it pains me to say this, this year's effort from the UK is the only song from all 27 that really stood out. Its electro flapper style has signs of a sort of disco Bugsy Malone song. That & the Inbetween Days luminous makeup make this possibly the happiest song of the lot. Not even the sad trombone can detract from it. It won't win though because just about the whole of Europe hates the UK
So there it is. A dose of snark for sure & I am going by what I saw in the videos. The live performances might breath some life into some of the songs (& believe me, some of them need it). Anyone reading, don't take this too seriously. The TV presenters across the globe will prolly be even more sarcastic (I wish Terry Wogan would come back). Right. Better get some snacks in for the show tonight
This song (by David De Gea's missus) is like Shakira meets the Legend Of The Seeker.
This lady is a bit goff looking. Thumping drums, warrior warpaint, weapons. Let's go & fight everyone!
A not completely unpleasant, albeit Amy Winehouse/ Adele- ish in style. Those aren't earrings. They are solar panels!
