Abstaining

I haven't listened to any of the shows or the new material performed. I just can't do it. I'm not sure I understand exactly why, but it's like I still want to be surprised if they do end up coming to NA. That, coupled with the fear of being let down, maybe? It's almost the same feeling I have when I miss someone's phone call and they leave me a message. I feel really fearful about what the message might say because I didn't answer the call, so sometimes I even have Mr. K listen to it for me. 

Is anyone else abstaining from listening to the shows? Does any of this make any sense to anyone else? Why won't I listen to my favorite band?!