Post by Jupitercrash on Jul 6, 2013 20:33:50 GMT 1
One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here.”
The astonished Chinese man replied “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese”.
“Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.”
Shocked, Spielberg replies “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”
The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same
One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here.”
The astonished Chinese man replied “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese”.
“Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.”
Shocked, Spielberg replies “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”
The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same
The world is neither fair nor unfair - It's just us trying to feel that there's some sense in it
Post by Jupitercrash on Jul 10, 2013 22:26:49 GMT 1
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says “I’m lonely. I wish my friends come back here
How to tell the difference between an Australian Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer and a U.S.A. Police Officer?
QUESTION:
You're on duty by yourself (don't ask why, you just are and your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night. Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and lunges at you. You are carrying your police issued Glock and you are an expert shot, however you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.
What do you do?
ANSWERS: ----
Australian Police Officer:
Firstly the officer must consider the man's Human Rights. 1) Does the man look poor or oppressed? 2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law? 3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger? 4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? 5) Am I dressed provocatively? 6) Could I run away? 7) Could I possibly swing my gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? 8 ) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong doings? 9) Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? 10) Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society? 11) Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? 12) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me? 13) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? . 14) If I shoot and wound him, and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?
Post Posted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 6:46 am Reply with quote Back to top Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life ?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social-Security sex."
"Social-Security sex ?"
"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on !" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist & said, "I've got a big problem, Doctor. Everytime we're in bed & my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear-splitting yell."
"Oh," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what's the problem."
"The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up !"
Post by Jupitercrash on Jul 31, 2013 19:42:21 GMT 1
Four Catholic Men And A Catholic Woman
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee when one of the Catholic men tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”
The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says ‘Your Eminence’.”
The fourth Catholic man then says, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well….?”
She proudly replies, “I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24″ waist and 34″ hips. When she walks into a room, people say, “Oh – My – God
Forget about stars for a while
steve
Big Hand
Songs Of A Lost World *CRUMPET BOY*
The sick barsteward in me found this Shark Week promo trailer too funny not to post here. Could have gone the YT thread, but it's more laughter than anything else. Pure genius.
I like Steve !!!!! 
