Post by Jupitercrash on Jul 29, 2014 8:51:28 GMT 1
With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight."
His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!"
The husband said, "I know all that."
"Then why in the world did you invite your friend for supper tonight?" asked the wife.
The guy answered, "Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married."
Post by Jupitercrash on Jul 30, 2014 10:07:18 GMT 1
One day, my wife called me on my cell furious:
"So, old drunkard, where are you? "
I say softly: "Do you remember that jewelry store where there is a very long time, you had spotted a beautiful ring set with diamonds and you made it crazy fell in love" I tell you right now: "one day it will be yours." But at that time I did not have enough money for you the offer. "
My wife calmed down and suddenly all excited, start a sob
in his voice: "Oh yes, my love, I remember! "
"Well, I'm in the pub opposite! "
Forget about stars for a while
steve
Big Hand
Songs Of A Lost World *CRUMPET BOY*
Post by Jupitercrash on Aug 7, 2014 13:26:51 GMT 1
A very loud Texan Engineer was visiting Australia, and talking big about all of the large civil works in the USA that he was involved in. To be polite his Australian counterpart took him on a tour of some of Sydney’s larger constructions.
First he took him to Gladesville Bridge. The Texan exclaimed, "What’s that!” In reply the Australian said, "Thats the Gladesville Bridge".
"Hmmph" said the Texan, "How long and how many men did it take to build?”
The Australian replied, "About 5 years with 1000 men." The Texan replied, "Well in Texas we would've done it in 2 years with 500 men."
Next they went to the Sydney Opera House. "What's that" said the Texan. "That's the Sydney Opera House" was the reply. "Hmmph" said the Texan, "How long and how many men did it take to build?” The Australian replied, "About 10 years with 200 men". The Texan replied "Well in Texas we would've done it in 4 years with 200 men."
By this stage the Australian was a little put out by the Texan's attitude so he decided to get some revenge, they walked around the Sydney Opera House and as they did the Sydney Harbor Bridge came into view. Immediately the Texan exclaimed, "Wow! What's that?"
The Australian Engineer replied, "I don't know, it wasn't there yesterday."
Post by Jupitercrash on Aug 12, 2014 13:20:20 GMT 1
This is the story of a guy who goes to the toilet in a bar. They are busy and it enters the second. Hardly is it puts on the bowl it will: - Hi! How is it going? Surprised, he says it's a strange place to make friends with someone, but hey, you can not choose ... - Uh !!.!.i'm good, embarrassed he said. - What are you doing ? - Well, like you .. ... And then he hears: - Listen, I'll call you later, there's an idiot next door that answers all my questions!
Post by Jupitercrash on Aug 19, 2014 22:24:16 GMT 1
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
Forget about stars for a while
steve
Big Hand
Songs Of A Lost World *CRUMPET BOY*
This one has really tickled me - I can just imagine Bob hating the view of this decrepit fence for years and praying that one day his neighbour would tart it up...maybe harassing him about it... and then his eye-popping rage at:
Don't talk of worlds that never were
The end is all that's ever true
yes!
