Feeling OK, but starting to ruminate a bit about my father after learning the other night (or being reminded) he is 85. I haven't seen or spoken to him in about 11 or 12 years. He has never met our child. That is the way it has to be, so please no messages about, "Whatever happened, you can forgive and be in touch with each other again." No, I can't forgive and it is awful for my mental health to have him in my life.
For many years I've been mentally rehearsing for his death, not knowing how I'll feel, if I'll attend the funeral, what I'll be able to explain to my offspring about why I never speak of him or see him. Now realizing he's 85, I feel like the time is getting nearer (duh, it's not getting farther away).
I know many others are probably dealing with something similar, but man, there is no script.
Physically I've been feeling like crap since yesterday evening. My stomach hurts and I find it very unpleasant and annoying. It's so hard to me to accept that I've entered this age when everything inside tells me that it needs to be cared of and it's normal that it doesn't function 100% well.
But I don't see And I don't feel But tightly hold up silently My hands before my fading eyes And in my eyes Your smile
I mistook stars reflected in a pond at night for those in the sky.
Physically I've been feeling like crap since yesterday evening. My stomach hurts and I find it very unpleasant and annoying. It's so hard to me to accept that I've entered this age when everything inside tells me that it needs to be cared of and it's normal that it doesn't function 100% well.
If you aren’t already thinking about bed, have some tea and climb in!!!
Feeling OK, but starting to ruminate a bit about my father after learning the other night (or being reminded) he is 85. I haven't seen or spoken to him in about 11 or 12 years. He has never met our child. That is the way it has to be, so please no messages about, "Whatever happened, you can forgive and be in touch with each other again." No, I can't forgive and it is awful for my mental health to have him in my life.
For many years I've been mentally rehearsing for his death, not knowing how I'll feel, if I'll attend the funeral, what I'll be able to explain to my offspring about why I never speak of him or see him. Now realizing he's 85, I feel like the time is getting nearer (duh, it's not getting farther away).
I know many others are probably dealing with something similar, but man, there is no script.
I think it makes sense that you’re contemplating your father’s death after not speaking to him for over a decade. I really don’t think there’s a right way to feel, and if you decide to not attend the funeral I think that’s more than fine too. Do what you’re comfortable doing, and try not to things because ‘it’s the right thing to do” by societal standards. That’s my take at least.
Physically I've been feeling like crap since yesterday evening. My stomach hurts and I find it very unpleasant and annoying. It's so hard to me to accept that I've entered this age when everything inside tells me that it needs to be cared of and it's normal that it doesn't function 100% well.
If you aren’t already thinking about bed, have some tea and climb in!!!
I always think about bed, just spend there definitely too little time. I'm a sleeping disaster.
Feeling OK, but starting to ruminate a bit about my father after learning the other night (or being reminded) he is 85. I haven't seen or spoken to him in about 11 or 12 years. He has never met our child. That is the way it has to be, so please no messages about, "Whatever happened, you can forgive and be in touch with each other again." No, I can't forgive and it is awful for my mental health to have him in my life.
For many years I've been mentally rehearsing for his death, not knowing how I'll feel, if I'll attend the funeral, what I'll be able to explain to my offspring about why I never speak of him or see him. Now realizing he's 85, I feel like the time is getting nearer (duh, it's not getting farther away).
I know many others are probably dealing with something similar, but man, there is no script.
I think it makes sense that you’re contemplating your father’s death after not speaking to him for over a decade. I really don’t think there’s a right way to feel, and if you decide to not attend the funeral I think that’s more than fine too. Do what you’re comfortable doing, and try not to things because ‘it’s the right thing to do” by societal standards. That’s my take at least.
Thanks, Danielle. I really appreciate your perspective.